Dear Lord, who knew there were so many people in the world who wanted to speak to me?!
On my afternoon walk I saw no less than six people in the village (read it and weep people. Six.) who felt the deep need and inclination to engage with me. Obviously, this was problematic. I whipped out my handy piece of paper at every encounter which simply had “Sorry, vow of silence” scrawled on it. Each person peered at it curiously for awhile, and then back at me, and then back at my paper, and the reluctantly gave it back with a long look and a nod.
One gentleman – a guy I’ve often seen around but have never spoken to – chose today as the day to finally make friends. He stopped his motorbike just as I was leaving the house and couldn’t quite believe my little piece of paper. He was… confused. He frowned a lot. He looked really disappointed. It made me feel kind of warm and fuzzy.
Day one of not speaking was actually rather lovely. In the morning I had a couple of slips (I like to talk to myself), but by the afternoon I think I had gotten the hang of it.
To be honest, it feels like a relief. No more explaining myself! No more defending or backtracking or insulting or simply saying the wrong thing! No more people expecting you to give good answers to silly questions!
I can simply… be.
By 8pm I was dancing like a geriatric in my 7x7metre cottage to Modest Mouse, and feeling kind of groovy.
Day one was a good.
Not speaking is not as easy as it looks people, especially if you’re used to talking to yourself. My car is still getting attacked by birds, and yes, I did run out and swear at them under my breath this morning.
Then later, when the cat swung by to say hi, I meowed and cooed at it until I remembered that I was not supposed to. It’s hard not to say “hi” to people or things that cross my path.
It was a warm, languid day in the country. The peach blossoms have started coming out and a warm wind blew through our little town. There was a feeling of spring in the air and I wanted to share it, but I couldn’t.
Somehow the day became more beautiful, because I couldn’t express it.
I could only revel in it through watching it, seeing it and simply being in it. The beautiful day became my secret, and even though I could see others enjoying it as well, I felt like I enjoyed it the most, simply because I really, really SAW it. I allowed it to just be.
Day 2 was as tender as a peach blossom. I didn’t get much work done, which made me fret, but it was beautiful.
I might become a Jedi yet!
My world has shifted from words to pictures.
I woke up today with the clear realisation that somehow, writing about this process whilst I’m in it, just isn’t right. Writing about a process whilst you’re in it means no perspective, no clarity. I’ll write about the experience when I’m done.
I imposed my own ideas on a process that is now having its own way with me, and I should have known that from the start.
Consequently, I’m signing off from blogging words for the month so that I can simply have the experience.
In keeping with what is coming up for me, I’m going to pick up my camera instead and take pictures of what I see and notice during this time.
I’ll blog all about it at the end of the month.
For now then, simply silence.